I was once completely certain of my future. I was one of the few people in my senior year class who knew what they wanted to study in college. I told myself, Philosophy and Film. they were my favorite topics in the world. When college started, it was not easy. I had many personal issues and family issues holding me back, not to mention the fact that i was juggling 2-3 jobs at on time. I had a teacher who discouraged me greatly. I thought that maybe I should take a break from school.
Now, when I decided to work one job and try to take school seriously...I lose my TAP. Something is always holding me back. I even hold myself back. I'm 20 and living with an uncertain future. Sounds normal but I can't help but feel like I'm drifting through time. I was able to sleep last night. I even remember fragments of my dream.
First I remember going to an ATM in a school locker to get money. The machine had been hacked and was spewing out more money than I needed so I took it and ran off. There was a virus going around and everyone was running around like headless chickens. These men in body sutes were going around capturing the infected. These cars crashed near me and I think I was attacked and caught the virus but I didn't want to get captured so I ran into a bar. It started to rain in the bar. People were fighting to get to the roof. I kept slipping on the metal stairs. Then my dream shifted as I came face to face with on of the men, I like, floated up and was standing on the roof over a bathtub with a dead body in it. I started to let my blood fall into the bathtub.
Then I was in a bedroom with two of my high school friends. They were filming a movie and wanted my help but I needed to use the bathroom. It was really tiny and i had to slide the sink into the wall to get to the toilet. I decided I wanted to take a shower but people kept knocking at the door so I gave up. When I came out I sat at a table with my Boyfriend and his friend. I have a mental attraction to this friend so in my dream I felt like I was cheating on my BF. That's all I remember.
The weirdest part was the blood. It looked so ritualistic and I don't know what it means. I'll look up what Freud thinks of rituals in the mind.
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