A sudden longing for winter.

I have this sudden longing for winter & snow. Maybe it's because I'm running on 4 hours of sleep but I feel like I'm dreaming. I layed down & closed my eyes for a second and remembered my epic long walk in the snow. I'd had a fight with my mother that morning and took off walking with no destination. I made my way across the Brooklyn Bridge which due to the falling snow, was almost empty.

The city, this dirty rotten city I live in was covered by a crisp clean sheet of snow. It's was so beautiful it brought me to tears, that damn stendahl syndrome I suffer from, always feeling too much.

I'm proud of my blog commitment so far, it's recent but wayyy better than any other year of it's existance. I just re-read everything again & I'm the same person, growing but the same, changing yet the same... It's hard to describe without sounding redundent but I like it.

I'm like a tree, changing with the seasons.

I don't know why it suddenly came into my mind but I'd love to expirence it again. I can't wait for the first real snow fall.

I'm just longing for winter.

Time moves too fast.

Perhaps it's just that I'm getting older but time seems to be moving fast, & faster still. Maybe this is part of growing up but it's bothersome. I feel like I never have time for the things I want to do anymore, & even when I'm having a good time, it's limited by responsability.

If it was up to me, I'd wrap myself in the love & laughter of my friends and melt into that happiness. I want to melt into the universe, melt into the powers that be and just live free.

Dear time, stop moving so fast, there is still so much for me to do, so many lose ends, unfinished projects, unresolved emotions, unsaid words and unlived expirences. Slow down, let me enjoy myself a little.

I want to be free
I want to be happy
I want to feel everything
I want to remember it all

Time moves too fast...

Back to writing!

I'll be blogging more, start a resolution before the new year begins. I'd also like to update my photo blog before the year is over (finish SOMETHING in 2010).

With meeting all these new people, I've taken to looking at their art or reading their writing and I'm getting very inspired! I used to love reading, writing & drawing. I don't know what becoming an adult has stopped me from doing these things, things I still love <3

I already have a book lined up: Einstein's Dreams.

I gotta find it at a reasonable price. I hope it's good, I haven't read a GREAT book in a looong time.

I want to get back into writing.

The fate of a woman.

The post below I made about a month or 2 ago but never published.

Funny how things change in a short amount of time. I did some things I'm not proud of, somethings out of pity and loneliness only to realize I let myself get caught up in a spiders web of tales. I was just a fly, caught in their web. I'm unstuck, grateful for the help they did give me but ready to go back to being just friends, I guess.

We woman are fickle, we don't know what we want, where we're going, what the ultimate goal is. I feel a sense of excitement at all the new people around me but also a sense of dread. What if it happens again, the lies, jealousy, betrayal? I'm making all these new connections in a world of people trying to connect. Sometimes we make good ones, bad ones... I no longer know if this initial connection was what I was looking for or if it was just me trying to mold it to my will. Them molding me to their will...

In the end it was all nothing but a distraction from reality.

I do know, I'm making another connection, something more related to what I was looking for, to what I need. I need understanding, an escape from my mundane existence but into to a world of thoughts, hopes & dreams, not games and fun. I can buy those things if I need them, what I need can not be bought, nor built, nor sold. It has no shape, no physical representation other than the people that inspire it.

In this short time I have come to understand myself a bit more, in this short amount of time.

We woman are fickle... I'll never be content.

Oh wells, such is the fate of a woman.

I'm taking 24 hrs off facebook

Well, actually I just took 24 hrs to not post directly on FB ( I keep checking updates like a loser).

In any case, it has been a very long time, as always, since I've written in this blog.

I'm somewhat different, somewhat the same.

Difference's are happening without my control.
So many dots....

I have a tendency of overusing punctuation, haha!

Take me to the river!!!!

DROP ME IN THE WATER!!!!

I really REALLY want to go swimming!!!!!!!!
GOD, MAKE ME AN OCEAN OUTSIDE MY DOOR!!!!
I want to swim to work and back!
Give me fins!!!
Gills too!

I'm such a water baby!!!

Okay, annoying sugar educed excitement over....

Another Year Passes...

Ahhh, where does time go!?!??! Why is it moving so much faster as I get older?!!??! I'm starting to feel this blog is a snapshot of my mental state over the years. I don't even remember when I started it, God time moves fast.

Things are different now, life is different now. All good kinds of different. <3

I like where I am in life, I'd love to be doing more, maybe learning something new?

I don't know what else to say other than I am happy, very very happy.

Let the stars burn out
Let the wild waters spill
Let the ash and cinder fall
Time is not linear
Time is not a being
Time is an illusion
Watch me kneel before the Gods
Watch me offer up my soul
Watch me shake my feathers clean
I am a Phoenix reborn

I've become a sheep

But it's not so bad...

I guess being part of the herd is better than moving the herd along. Hopefully I won't be lead off the side of a cliff!!! I recently wanted to put in a blog but I forget what is was that I wanted to write about...

Alls well that ends well...

I dream big dreams... I like to create... to think... to learn...


My motivation is rising once again!