I often feel intimidated. I try to carry myself as someone who is confident but truthfully, I feel like an actor. I'm just playing the role of someone who hasn't got it all figured out just yet but who has ultimate goals. In someways I do but truthfully, I have no idea what I'm doing half the time. I make it up as I go along, a professional bullshitter.
If half-assing were a profitable skill, I'd be wealthy.
Sometimes, I look at the rows of books I rushed to purchase and wonder if I'll ever get through them all. I feel as if I'll forever be a novice. A pathetic version of an adult.
Oh female insecurity, you make me sick.
The more I read, the more I stop trusting my instincts. I'm trapped in this war against the female hormones wreaking havoc on my mind. I find myself second guessing everything & resisting the urge to act out my irrational spurts of anger.
At the same time, I contradict misogynistic tendencies & flip back & forth between a girl masquerading as a guy & a devoted feminist defending my sexuality.
"Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes."
1 comment:
"A pathetic version of an adult."
You're so human Alex!
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