Living in the Past without a Future

I can't get over it, no matter what I do I'm haunted by my memories, my dreams and thoughts. They creep into my mind on a daily basis. Its hindering me and now my friend. I never meant to make her cry about it when she was over and past the resentment. The person haunting us is leaving, with no goodbye, as if they first non-goodbye was hard, this one was even harder.

I met a spiritual guide on Monday. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I went through so many emotions in one hour. She gave me 3 days to decide if I want to continue my spiritual quest of sorts. On the first day, I was really gun-ho about it, but after tonight, I began re-evaluating my self reliance.

I can be independent.

I can be an individual.

What's stopping me from living up to my full "potential"?

I am.

It's always been me. I don't know if I can [meaning change] do it on my own but shouldn't I at least try before I rely on someone else?

I refuse to be one of those self help reading, seminar attending, cult suicide joining fools who walk this planet lost in translation. I refuse to be a living ghost, waiting for a ferry to cross over. This life, right now that I'm living, is Purgatory.

This is the place between Heaven and Hell.

I own my soul as long as it inherits this body. I bend my body to do my biding until I leave it for whatever comes next.

I have so many fears, upon fears, upon fears stacked up on my soul, crushing me. I don't want to be afraid to live because I am afraid to die.

Someday I will do something memorable. I was meant to be here. A greater power made sure I was, whatever or whomever it may be.