Men are Better than Women

This is the title of the book I'm reading. For some reason, I've grown to hate most woman.
They annoy me.

New Years Resolutions:

I want to live my life, as a bro. I want to be more manly.

0. Be Bro.
1. Workout for real
2. Write at least 2 times a week
3. Read at least 12 books from start to finish, 1 or more each month.
4. Watch a new film every week.
5. Call mom more.
6. Be a better vegetarian.
7. Disconnect from FB every now & then.
8. Be more financially independent.
9. Complete 3 new Cosplays/Costumes, maybe even a skit?!?!
10. Be more outgoing.
11. Finish projects.
12. Buy a tablet or netbook.
13. Buy a better camera.
14. Buy a new phone.
15. Buy more dresses & skirts.
16. Spend less money on useless crap T^T
17. Only buy quality items.
18. Sort my black bag of crap.
19. Organize my stuff more.
20. Do Yoga again!
21. Throw away garbage or make a scrapbook!
22. Stop drinking so much soda & eating too much chocolate T^T
23. Connect with more old friends.
24. Stop flaking out.
25. Speak up against injustice.
26. Open up to Mels family?
27. Forgive my enemies.
28. Do my photo/writing blog projects weekly!
29. Write a story, any story.
30. Make love everyday in everyway.

Strange Sensations.

I just came from a trip to see the Tomaselli Exhibit at The Brooklyn Museum. The work was amazing, so much detail & depth. Each part layered with found objects, part painting, part collage...

I feel overwhelmed looking at certain pieces, like the ones with figures of humans & birds specifically. There’s something about them, all the little cutouts building up a whole image of wonder & pure ecstasy. It's like a drug trip, I felt it just looking at them on the computer.

I get this flutter in my chest, or a heaviness, followed by a loss of oxygen, I have to remind myself to breath. Sometimes my eyes swell up with tears or my head gets hot & red. Right now my jaw hurts as if I've been eating jawbreakers.

In short, I experience many strange sensations.

For reasons unknown.

I'm listening to this song right now. Matches my mood perfectly. I originally bought a windows phone so I could have word in my pocket & write anytime, anywhere... Why did I stop writing? I've started again thanks to blogging but I'd like to write stories again.

I need to get over the feeling of not being good enough.
I'm always so self conscience...

Like now that people are reading this blog, I feel naked...
Like someone pulled the towel off of me as I walk out of the lavoratory of my life.

Ahhh, but I do enjoy being naked so here I am world, the naked Alex.

I've written a HUGE list of resolutions/goals for 2011. If the world ends in 2012, I'd like to do some of them at least! Lets see how I do, root for me readers!

Long talks

I love having long talks with friends, it could be about anything really, as long as we're both invested in the conversation. I've been having an amazing end to 2010, I keep talking about but it really has been my best year in a while!

To my friends past, present & future:

Thank you for the laughs, the tears, the love, the heartache.
Each of you has helped build me, shape me to the person I am today.

I am eternally greatful!

Can 2 lovers meet in a dream?

Can they?
If they fall asleep together?
Can they meet, greet & dance together?

I believe they can and often do. Especially the ones who can not be together physically. It's both beautiful & tragic, dreams can quickly become nightmares. They can engrose you & trap you in darkness. Your inner self thrown into a ring, forced to face your worst fears.

Why do we dream?
Why do we have both epic tales & nightmares happen there, in the dream world?
How do we gain control?

I can usually control myself in a dream, if it starts to get scary, I can pull myself out. It's a gift I'm proud of.

But there was one time I could not. No matter how hard I tried, I was trapped in a dream, or perhaps, trapped in a world where I was faced with a Liar, a demon. There is little to no other explination for it.

It posed as people I knew, it tried to get me to talk to it. In the dream I was sleeping & became aware of the Liar 3 times. Fear engulfed my heart & I tried to wake up, each time I did, I was in my bed, thinking I was awake but instead, I was still there in that world with the Liar. When I finally did come back to my reality, it looked so much like the dream that I could not move, I just wept & wept. I finally worked up the courage to call someone & understand I had indeed returned. In the last world, his kind tried to surround me, their dark figures in the windows, taunting me, I had to yell at it, I won't speak to you!

The human mind is a great mystery, the world & time & space & dreams & memories are all mysteries...

Today, I talked about Freud & dreams with an amazing new friend. I realize I want to read his work, I've only ever read about him, not his own words. I wonder if I can find a book store open today?

It's Thanksgiving, a day to take the time out and say what you're most greatful for.

My family, including friends (old & new, past & present) and for the air I breathe.
Thank you too.

The gears are moving.

I can hear them cranking up in my ears, each pin, each wheel, all moving in my mind. Like a train headed out on a long journey.
The smoke, the people, the line of track work ahead.

In my mind, I see the train come to a junction filled with tracks headed in every direction. Each track representing the choices I make in life.

Which track to take...
So many miles of track work...
So many hands used to make them...
Even the hands that dug up the steel...

Real men of steel.

A stream on conscientiousness with no purpose...

A spark becomes a flame.

It's burning brightly in my soul, ready to swallow an entire forest.
It feels so good, I haven't felt a true flame in my heart in a long time.
I'll do my best to do things right.

Time to let my creativity fly!