Back to writing!

I'll be blogging more, start a resolution before the new year begins. I'd also like to update my photo blog before the year is over (finish SOMETHING in 2010).

With meeting all these new people, I've taken to looking at their art or reading their writing and I'm getting very inspired! I used to love reading, writing & drawing. I don't know what becoming an adult has stopped me from doing these things, things I still love <3

I already have a book lined up: Einstein's Dreams.

I gotta find it at a reasonable price. I hope it's good, I haven't read a GREAT book in a looong time.

I want to get back into writing.

The fate of a woman.

The post below I made about a month or 2 ago but never published.

Funny how things change in a short amount of time. I did some things I'm not proud of, somethings out of pity and loneliness only to realize I let myself get caught up in a spiders web of tales. I was just a fly, caught in their web. I'm unstuck, grateful for the help they did give me but ready to go back to being just friends, I guess.

We woman are fickle, we don't know what we want, where we're going, what the ultimate goal is. I feel a sense of excitement at all the new people around me but also a sense of dread. What if it happens again, the lies, jealousy, betrayal? I'm making all these new connections in a world of people trying to connect. Sometimes we make good ones, bad ones... I no longer know if this initial connection was what I was looking for or if it was just me trying to mold it to my will. Them molding me to their will...

In the end it was all nothing but a distraction from reality.

I do know, I'm making another connection, something more related to what I was looking for, to what I need. I need understanding, an escape from my mundane existence but into to a world of thoughts, hopes & dreams, not games and fun. I can buy those things if I need them, what I need can not be bought, nor built, nor sold. It has no shape, no physical representation other than the people that inspire it.

In this short time I have come to understand myself a bit more, in this short amount of time.

We woman are fickle... I'll never be content.

Oh wells, such is the fate of a woman.

I'm taking 24 hrs off facebook

Well, actually I just took 24 hrs to not post directly on FB ( I keep checking updates like a loser).

In any case, it has been a very long time, as always, since I've written in this blog.

I'm somewhat different, somewhat the same.

Difference's are happening without my control.
So many dots....

I have a tendency of overusing punctuation, haha!

Take me to the river!!!!

DROP ME IN THE WATER!!!!

I really REALLY want to go swimming!!!!!!!!
GOD, MAKE ME AN OCEAN OUTSIDE MY DOOR!!!!
I want to swim to work and back!
Give me fins!!!
Gills too!

I'm such a water baby!!!

Okay, annoying sugar educed excitement over....

Another Year Passes...

Ahhh, where does time go!?!??! Why is it moving so much faster as I get older?!!??! I'm starting to feel this blog is a snapshot of my mental state over the years. I don't even remember when I started it, God time moves fast.

Things are different now, life is different now. All good kinds of different. <3

I like where I am in life, I'd love to be doing more, maybe learning something new?

I don't know what else to say other than I am happy, very very happy.

Let the stars burn out
Let the wild waters spill
Let the ash and cinder fall
Time is not linear
Time is not a being
Time is an illusion
Watch me kneel before the Gods
Watch me offer up my soul
Watch me shake my feathers clean
I am a Phoenix reborn

I've become a sheep

But it's not so bad...

I guess being part of the herd is better than moving the herd along. Hopefully I won't be lead off the side of a cliff!!! I recently wanted to put in a blog but I forget what is was that I wanted to write about...

Alls well that ends well...

I dream big dreams... I like to create... to think... to learn...


My motivation is rising once again!

Sleepy Saturday

Today was gray. All I did was sleep...

It's 6pm, I don't know where my children are...



P.S. I do care... this is in regard to my last post. I really do care so I guess I'm not all bad huh?

"You have such a big heart"

Hello again blog, it's been a while. I really am terrible at keeping up with these things, such is the chaos that is I.

This years/month's topic will be "You have such a big heart"

I recenlty re-watched the b-horror movie "Drag me to Hell" about the banker to denies an old gypsy lady an extension on paying her loans and gets cursed. She spends the entire film trying to hide her past, overcome this curse and prove she is innocent only to admit in her final moments she purposely did not give the woman the loan she needed to save her home. All her boyfriend said was "You have such a big heart"

My significant other tells me this often but I can't help but wonder if I really do. I have made many more changes to my life. I have gone green, I'm a vegetarian, I work at a non profit organization and I try my best not to be such a hot head about my opinions and applaud others for theirs instead.

But in my heart...

I want to throw my trash on the floor like everyone else.
I want a greasy pepperoni pizza.
I don't want to hear your families perilous immigrant story.
I don't give a shit if you disagree with me.

Am I truly good or am I terribly bad? These are my new questions on this journey called life.